Change isn’t so difficult when there is an urgent need pounding on life’s door. The bad report at work, the doctor’s response, a spouse’s concern, or a bank’s notice can all bring a drive for change. But what about when there is no immediate danger?
Addressing areas of our lives that need improvement before an emergency comes can often be the challenge. We think everything is fine, until, well we realize there are not. So how do we adjust without the chaos predating it? This is by no means an exhaustive list, but here are a few things that can help:
- Like anything, the first step to addressing a problem is admitting there is one. Personally, I believe the more specific you can be with what you are trying to solve, the better. We need to determine our starting place, where we are now.
- Next, we need to determine where we want to go. How will you know you’ve been able to change that area of your life? Depending on the circumstance, this is an easier situation to determine more than others. If your goal is to build up a retirement nest egg, that number is more quantitative than “I want to get closer with my spouse”, which is more of a qualitative endeavor. Quantitative results are a little easier to know when you’ve reached your goal … they are something that can be measured. Many financial goals, fitness goals, some business goals, and many other admirable goals fit into this area.
Qualitative can be a little trickier, but something that may help is by looking for evidence of change. For example, if your goal is to build a better relationship with your spouse, the evidence of that could be you argue less, you’re going on date-nights more often now, you would say you’re enjoying each other’s company more, etc. - An incredibly powerful factor to help with item #2 above is to consider the identity associated with changing that area of your life. For example, if the goal is “I want to get closer with my spouse,” then the identity is “be someone who has a great relationship with their spouse” or “be someone who has a great marriage” or “be a good husband/wife.” You can then ask the question, “what types of actions does [someone who has a great marriage] take?”
This can also be true for quantitative goals, such as a financial goal. The identity question then becomes, “I want to be someone who is smart with their finances,” or something to that extent. Then question #2 becomes the same, “what types of actions does [someone who is smart with their finances] take?” The answers to question #2 will help us build towards the next step.
- Knowing the identity and the actions of the identity, we can work backwards from the goal into today’s situation. The more you identify and act upon the habits necessary to build that identity, the more you become the person you are trying to be. And, naturally, as you build those habits and follow through with those actions, eventually you become like that person.
Change is hard. There’s a good chance that no matter the goal you have in mind, you’re going to come up short time and time again along the way. But don’t give up! That is simply part of the process, part of the journey. There is no telling how much you will accomplish if you can learn to enjoy the process of learning and change.
Keep up the good work. Keep moving forward